I've been doing on-line dating for about two years now. On and off.
I end up going out with bunch of men I've met in this odd place where e-mail, photos and first hello is the way to impress somebody.
I've to say that it's not only fascinating place but also frustrating one. From "oh hello there" to "You jerk", you can browse through and talk to hundreds if not thousands single (sometimes not) men.
I have to tell you, I think I met everything. From mister bomb, with his shirt magically blown away as he was snapping his picture with web-cam while flexing. To, hi I'm mister fake name and fake photo pulled from stock images site, I didn't even bother to crop out the logo or watermark because most girls will be dumb enough to not see it; after all - I am hot! Fake hot!
One of my favourite kinds are those who don't talk about themselves, oh no, that would be a crime. They talk about girls they came across. It's one big profile of bitching and complaining. A river of tears, bitter words and anger.
Please, just start a blog for that, don't write it in your profile!
Why would a girl be even mildly interested with your whining? What on earth were you thinking? Do those men really believe that after reading a sea of complains anyone would be willing to message? "Oh hello there mister cry-baby! I loved your profile, so intense, so passionate, you really must hate everyone, but I love you, I will love you forever and ever, let's have a drink!"
Really?
There is also another group. I call them "editors", they will read your profile and point out missing comma and a pimple on you chin. They literally will copy and paste your entire profile and sentence by sentence they will give you free editorial, including (just wait!) a psychiatric evaluation! That's right. All for free.
And the funniest part about it is that at the end, they will still ask you out. Really? Hello!
No way in hell mister Editor.
Here is the thing.
You can complain or vent or talk about on-line dating, share your experience (like me) but there are some rules as far as that first contact with other human being.
I mean, you can't see me, I can't see you - why not write something that will make me -want- to see you?
Not interested? Delete the e-mail.
When I first joined the world on on-line dating I was surprised with entire delete thing. I found it a bit offensive. But I quickly did learn that it is a way to go.
Imagine mister Bob (let's call him Bob, shall we?) sending me a nice e-mail. It's great, nice guy, but just not my type (say all you want, but there are just some looks we are not into, everyone has their own "yes, you are cute" and "ehm...no, not my type"). I would replay, perhaps slip little thank you for complement or comment on something he wrote. Then simply at the end, as a sign off, I would slip in "not interested" part.
You are probably thinking this is it? That mister Bob moved on. Wrong.
In 95% of cases like mister Bob, they will end up still spamming you with letters. Some will ask why? oh why but why and why? I don't understand why? Sometimes, you may even try to explain why.
BIG mistake.
Writing "you are not my type" is like a stab in heart to many (so I've learn).
They will eat you alive, and as you run for your life, they will chase you and hunt you down and curse you out (something along the lines of "if you are looking for a hot model then good luck bitch!" etc).
That's right. Men, do not like to be rejected. Hell, nobody does. But let's be a bit normal about it, shall we?
So I stopped.
I simply delete the e-mail, do my little "hey I'm not interested" by NOT replaying.
How to eliminate potential horror dates.
It's really not that hard. Trust me. Well, unless you have completely no clue how to catch those little "red signals" of when to run.
I usually start with casual chat via e-mail. Do my little exploration of the surface, ask few questions about music, movies, dreams.
Then I start to dig a bit deeper. I ask about why the last relationship did not work out (good way to get a small hint on personality of our future date), what made them smile today (if his a selfish bastard the answer will be "my reflection". But if he writes something sweet and cute, hey! he may have a heart). I sometimes even like to toss little "hey, where do you imagine yourself in 10 years?".
Eventually when the vibe is good, sense of humour checked, we go to stage #2 - a phone call.
This is crucial.
I kid you not, but I've been in many situation where edited 50 times, lovely e-mails turn out to NOT be that kind of phone chat I was expecting.
Besides, phone is a great way to hear his voice (good voice is my weakness. A man who can tease and flirt by using tone of his voice will melt me completely), see if you will stumble with conversation or chat over each other, or will he talk about himself way to much and never ask a single question about you. Perhaps he will be so high that nothing that comes out of his mouth will make sense. Or he may turn out to be a guy still obsessed with his ex who he broke up with 2 years ago, and all you will hear is how big of a bitch she was (I had that happen to me once, after 40min I hanged up on him).
Others had nothing to say, even though the e-mails were a sea of great conversations.
So chat, ask about few things, don't talk way to much, after all you want to leave some topics for that dream date of yours.
Even though I had to dig through "hey babe" and "men who like to write everything in one sentence and don't feel the need to use period even when they switch the subject because for some reason that is normal way of writing probably they didn't even read the email before hitting send they still send it in hopes for great date with a wonderful woman like you" and those who yell and cry; I still met great guys.
I had very good times going for coffee, having a drink or a dinner.
So don't give up.
Learn how to deal with on-line dating.
And if you find it way to frustrating, simply delete your account.
After all, not all of us can take well a meeting of 25, handsome 5'8", fit man who turns out to be somebody different then pictures attached, shorter by 5' and heavier by 200 lb.
(this post may be edited later)
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